The adventure begins...

One of the greatest lessons I am learning in this season of my life is to embrace fully the trials and blessings that God has given me. This seems like such a simple thing in theory, but I have trained myself to have a spirit of sympathy for those around me who are going through, in my mind, greater seasons of trial or heart ache then I am. The problem with this is that I then take what God had placed in my life for just me and him and begin comparing it with what God is doing in others lives. I begin to think that my different seasons of heartache aren't worthy enough to be mentioned. That I haven't suffered enough to have a story worth hearing. There is a fine line between over-sharing and inviting people (people who love and care about you) to  walk with you on a journey. I have been guilty of over-sharing to the wrong people, and have been burned. My faith journey has been scrutinized as well as praised by people who don't know the whole story. This has caused me to take a step back - to be selfish with my story when in truth, this is God's story. What God has permitted to happen in my life, what trials, what consequences to my sin, and what crazy blessings and opportunities he has given are all for His Glory. I am dust. Unworthy of the grace that has been given to me through Christ. Anything good that comes out of me is solely from the Lord. 

"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." 

Romans 7:18

Without Christ I am wretched. I have hurt people, I have made terrible choices, and I have been selfish in ways that had made my heart hard. I have been in the deepest pit, but also experienced mountain top experiences that changed me to my core. 

I feel like I need to confess this to set the tone for this blog. Tony and I are going into a new season of trying to become pregnant. When I first discovered I had APS (antiphospolipid antibody syndrome) I went online to see what the process would be like.  I was so hungry for stories from real women who had experienced what I was about to. Unfortunately I found a good amount of medical information with speckles of real life testimony.  Thankfully I heard stories through friends and family of women with APS who have experienced success and others dissapointment. But yet, still was wanting to know the dirty, gritty, real facts about the process - I hit a dead end. I realized that I was again comparing my story to others and God just wanted me to walk with him through it. 

So here I am, not knowing what type of season I am entering into- but knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that whatever happens in this next season is all for the glory of God. 

My verse for this season is one that God gave me during the darkest part of our last 6th months.

 

"This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it."

 John 11:4

We have met with my new hematologist - who I love. I have a appointment with a new OBGYN that has experience with APS on June 10th. Until then I have weekly lab appointments to make sure my blood is stable on my medication before I switch over to daily shots. Ball is rolling...here we go! 

Thank you Lord for this opportunity to trust you and give you the glory for what you have done and what you will do in this season. May I ...."Walk in a manner worthy of the calling of which I have been called." Ephesians 4:1